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Dialogue – Your Key To Blossoming Relationships

There is no human on the earth who has not been hurt in one way or the other. We’ve all been damaged at some point in our lives. Many have endured the heart ache of being misunderstood, disappointed, resented, betrayed, insulted, undermined, humiliated, and even assaulted. Relationships which were once robust and rewarding have suffered horrific disintegration, leaving all the parties involved in an aggravating state of emotional turmoil. Many hopes have been shattered due to lack of relational harmony. Great dreams and goals never saw the light of day, while many lives have been lost as a result of broken relationships.

In the midst of relational chaos, many prefer grudge, resentment or separation to dialogue and reconciliation. But regardless of the scale of the disagreement in a conflict, dialogue has to take place if there is ever going to be a reconciliation. Although there are some dented relationships that dialogue cannot rescue, it still remains the most important instrument for reconciliation on the earth. Dialogue is a bridge into another’s emotional uneasiness. It is a seed for peace. Dialogue is the vehicle that conveys you into the mind of another.

In fact, I consider dialogue to be the most powerful force on the earth. The whole universe is run by dialogue. What is dialogue? Dialogue is conversation with yourself or with another person. Dialogue involves words, and everything on the earth was a product of words. We see in the book in Genesis How God spoke the universe into existence (Genesis 1:1-3). Even the idea to create man was a consequence of divine dialogue (Genesis 1:26). The whole universe is run by dialogue. It is the interactions between humans that make the earth functional. Without dialogue, the earth is redundant. If you can master how to dialogue successfully, you have mastered life (Proverbs 18:21).

Now, regarding reconciliation, I personally love to use the word “confrontation” instead of the word “dialogue,” because it properly expresses the emotional struggle involved when initiating dialogue with someone who has hurt you. It is difficult to know exactly how others feel when they are initiating a conversation with someone who has really hurt them. But as for me, I find myself out of my comfort zone. My heart beats twice as fast.  I feel like I am stepping into a battleground, where anything can happen. That is why I prefer the word “confrontation.” Even though there is no ranting, raving, shouting or physical fighting, it still proves emotionally difficult. It is an emotional confrontation. The nervousness, awkwardness and the pain we feel are proofs that we are in an emotional conflicts against disorder. Therefore, regarding human conflicts, it is right to say that dialogue is confrontation of disorder. Any dialogue toward repairing a broken relationship is an emotional battleground, where disorder is confronted.

In my opinion, the dominant purpose of confrontation is not to retaliate, but rather to eliminate one’s internal discomfort. Someone who is hurting wants to hurt no more. The pain of the bitterness and grudge becomes too detrimental to bear. Hence, confrontation becomes the psychological reaction to your inner distress. You choose confrontation because of your instinctive need to protect your emotional wellbeing. Even the most harmless animal will choose confrontation when in distress.

You were built for dialogue (Deuteronomy 4:36). Dialogue is a divine strategy to eliminate pain and create harmony. Dialogue is a divine path for reconciliation. The bible is a book about reconciliation. God is a God of dialogue. We see this when He calls out to all in Isaiah 1:18 and says, “Come now, and let us reason together,” Says the Lord, “Though your sins are like scarlet, They shall be as white as snow; Though they are red like crimson, They shall be as wool.” God was desperate to restore the crown of His creation (man) to his full glory and decided to call for dialogue. Likewise, Jesus was so disappointed in the city of Jerusalem that he cried out and said, “O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the one who kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to her! How often I wanted to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, but you were not willing” (Luke 13:34)! Furthermore, when disputes broke out between Abram’s herdsmen and Lot’s herdsmen, Abram chose dialogue (Genesis 13:8). He confronted Lot in order to reconcile.

People are immensely important in your life. You will always need people. There is never going to be a day when your life does not require another human. So much comes through people. God uses humans to deliver His divine package to other humans. Therefore, you cannot always walk away from every relationship because of disagreement or disappointment. Disappointment is simply an opportunity to enter into dialogue. Until you learn to look beyond others’ shortcomings and weaknesses, you cannot extract the treasures hidden in them. God often hides His greatest gifts in people who are full of flaws (2 Corinthians 4:7). God’s intention is that we mature in the faith so that we can prefer reconciliation to being right (Romans 14:19).

As mentioned earlier, not all broken relationships can be salvaged by dialogue. If dialogue could resolve every conflict, even Lucifer would have got his job back in heaven. Of course, there are conflicts that defy dialogue. But it is a divine expectation that we pursue reconciliation as far as we can in such circumstances. If the person in dispute with you does not still want to reconcile, the bible says you should let the relationship go (Matthew 18:15-18). Having done all you can do to salvage the relationship, it is time to move on with your life. Let it go because one of the most dangerous things in life is to hold on to someone God is separating from you.

I believe we should all pray for discernment, so that we can let a relationship die that God is killing. Some people might be relevant for your joy yesterday, but might no longer belong in your future – this does not include a marriage covenants, as it is God’s intention that such covenants are honoured throughout their entire lives.  Release any connection God is detaching from you. Then take the necessary time to recover from your disappointment. Ask the Holy Spirit to bind your broken heart, and then focus on Jesus for a divinely orchestrated relationship. Abram never held onto Lot. He let him go (Genesis 13:9), and God’s blessings came upon him (Genesis 13:14-17).

Finally, be careful not to rely on your intuition to accurately interpret why people hurt you. Without dialogue, your interpretation is unconfirmed. Dialogue unfolds what intuition does not. It presents an opportunity for understanding and reconciliation. Choose dialogue today and expect the blessings of the Lord in its fullness upon your life.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.” (Matthew 5:9)

Remain a blessing

Wale

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