Overcoming Rejection (Part One)

Rejection is one of the most brutal psychological injuries in human life. It is a huge battle of the mind many struggle to overcome. In every war, some fighters pay the ultimate price with their lives, some survive death but are physically wounded, while others, although escaped physical injuries, are dented psychologically by the brutality and viciousness of war. Regarding the latter, their scars of war are gruesomely indented into one of the most crucial faculties of mankind – the mind. Hence, while the real battle is long over and done with, their battle of the mind just begins, leaving many courageous fighters helpless as they try to come to terms with their mental instability.

In the same manner, life is a continuous battle. But the battleground of life is never geographical; it is rather between humans ears. The mind is the battleground of life. Your mind is your battle zone. It is where you win or lose the battle of life. If you are able to win the battle of the mind, you will also win the battle of life. But as you read on, grasp this truth – you were built to win the battle of life.

In the battle of life, one of the common and easiest injuries to pick up is rejection. Rejection is more deadly than people are telling us. It is one of the most underrated scars of the mind. Many people see rejection as something to sweep under the carpet. Some even trivialise its effect by their willingness to live in denial and repress the intense emotional dynamite it unleashes in their mind.

But the rejection many regard as trivial has the capability to destroy self-confidence, shatter hopes, cripple the natural human desire to succeed, generate severe anxiety disorders, breed phobias, plunge people into depression, bring about serious mental disorders, cause others to commit terrible criminal atrocities, and even force some to suicide. Nearly every human tragedy is connected to rejection.

We see rejection as something common because we all encounter it very often in our lives, but every rejection that is not processed and dealt with appropriately is capable of any of the above outcomes. As mentioned earlier, rejection is a mind’s wound that must be treated until it heals; otherwise it becomes infectious and intensifies.

Now, why is rejection so destructive to humans? The reason is because we were made for relationships (read my blog post “Designed for Relationships”).  You were built to connect. You were divinely shaped for relationships. That is why when you are denied of this intrinsic quality to connect or remain connected, you get wounded. Rejection is contrary to your DNA. You were made for agreement and that is why there is an emotional uneasiness when you find yourself in disagreement with another person.

The most powerful part of human intrinsic relational quality is the passion to give. You were created a giver. Your passion to give is much stronger than your passion to receive. For example, what would be the most painful experience for you between these two options; to wait for ten hours before you have access to food, or to wait for the same amount of hours before you have access to a toilet? What would you prefer? I would opt for the first choice very quickly. I am sure many can comfortably manage without food for a whole day. But how many of us can endure half a day without going to the toilet?

Here is the logic; when you eat, you are receiving, but when you visit the toilet, you are giving. Even though you need both processes to stay alive, it is evident that the human passion to give dwarfs his desire to receive. You were designed to give. You were divinely engineered to dispense love, affection, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, tolerance, increase, hope, energy, influence, happiness and purpose into your environment (Ephesians 2:10). Little wonder rejection rips people in pieces. Many young people and single parents yearn for someone trustworthy, loving, and kind to give their love to, but cannot find anyone capable of receiving their gifts of love. Hence they feel broken, discouraged and lonely. Life only becomes fulfilling and pleasurable when our intrinsic passion to give is deployed.

Although we’ve all been consumed with a desire to receive from others, the intricate components of our beings prefer giving to receiving. The simple reason is we were created in God’s image (Genesis 1:27). God is a giving God (John 3:16). The bible is also a book about giving (John 14:27). The creator made His creations to share in His giving nature. Selfishness is never a divine trait, but a seed planted by the devil to lure men from the divine intention. You were wrought a giver.  Even though, throughout your life you will keep receiving from God and others, your joy and fulfilment will come more from what you give than you receive (Acts 20:35).

Why have I spent so much time explaining all that? If you understand how you were made, you will also begin to understand why you feel the way you feel when you are rejected. You can now realise that it is normal to feel extremely dejected and depressed when rejected, depending on the severity of the rejection. Rejection is defiance against divine intentions. Furthermore, It is also important for you to know that there is no human on earth that has never experienced rejection. Great men and women in history were products of tons of rejections.

The bible is filled with the stories of the rejected. Even God, the almighty, experiences rejection on a daily basis by the works of His hands –humans. Millions of people reject God’s love and mercy every day and this crushes the heart of God (Proverbs 1:24; Isaiah 65:2). Jesus was so disappointed with the city of Jerusalem because they refused to connect with Him (Luke 13:34; John 1:11). He then suffered the most agonizing rejection when the leaders and the crowd demanded the release of Barabbas from the prison and asked for Jesus to be executed (Matthew 27:20; Acts 3:14). Also, Joseph was rejected by his brothers, but their rejection only catapulted him to the throne. Rejection is a common mind’s wound in the battle of life. But the difference in people is how they deal with the trauma of their rejections.

The good news is that God has given man powerful tools to defeat rejection, and one of them is focus (read my blog post on “The law of liberty”). The greatest battle of life is that of the mind. But the greatest battle of the mind is over focus. Your mind relentlessly fights for focus. Why? This is because your focus decides your destiny. Your focus dictates what increases or decreases in your life. Your focus decides what grows or dies within you. Your focus controls your energy. Your focus determines your joy or your stress. If you focus on your rejection, you will continue to feel dejected, but if you choose to count your blessings and focus on the positives, you will generate new energy for accomplishment.

Life is so wonderful because you have the ability to choose your focus. But once you choose a focus, your focus becomes your master. You are only in control of your life until you choose a focus, then your chosen focus begins to control you. Your focus chooses those who are attracted to you. Your focus decides your dreams and goals. It also determines your life’s opportunities. Focus is like an enlarging machine. Whatever you focus on magnifies. Focus magnifies the pain of your emotions. But the golden key is to correct your focus and fix your mind on what unlocks hope in you for the future.

Have you been damaged by series of rejections over the years? Has your self-confidence vanished as a result of perpetual rejections from those whose opinions matter to you? Are you just barely hanging on from the devastation of rejection from broken relationships? Has your difference and talents been grossly undermined at your place of work, leading to a missed promotion? Or have you been suffering from continuous rejecting in the job market? Or could it be that your own people who are supposed to love you have decided to reject you because of your preferences, values or focus? Maybe your friends have decided to ignore your friendship because they thought you are not clever enough or because your parents are not well-to-do enough or your facial look does not appeal to them? Whatever your experience might be, I’ll like to let you know that you can rise above the clouds of disappointments and rejections and soar to accomplish your life’s dreams and goals.

In part two of this series, I will be sharing something capable of transforming your life around for the better – your true identity! If you know your true identity, there is no rejection that can destroy your joy. When you recognise who you really are, nothing on the earth can stop you.

I look forward to sharing this amazing truth with you!                       Click to read Part Two  Part Two


Remain blessed



  • Helena

    Reply Reply June 19, 2012

    This is so necessary for all to know, it is a very good documented article and answers many questions people have, and sums Rejection, and how to cope, very accurately. To add if one is not BUILT ON ROCK then the” sand,” ( people’s opinions of this world ) will wear one down. Well done WALE, keep the blessed work going. Amen.

    • Wale

      Reply Reply June 19, 2012

      Hello Helena,
      Thanks for your comments. I’m glad you found the post very helpful.
      Stay blessed

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